I notice when I am attending events related to the Khmer Rouge the questions turn into speeches, and the distrust created by trauma comes spilling out in unintended ways. My culture tells me that trauma must be dealt with and expressed in order to move forward. But the lesson I learn over and over is that my culture and Cambodian/Buddhist culture are not the same.
In class, we did an exercise in mindfulness and this involved a discussion about anger and what to do with it. Thich Nhat Hanh suggests you breathe that anger in and out until it is transformed into something else. I look at the prolific works of Holocaust painter Samuel Bak and see anger transformed, but externally on the canvas. I like the idea of breathing stress and anger in and out, but I also like expressing myself with my hands and see how the two of those things do not go together.
Last Sunday, at the forum for Cambodian genocide, I watched grown men whose pain had not been transformed by breathing or by American success, trying to grasp how Khamboly Dy, a young man and scholar of Cambodia could understand what had happened before he was born. He was also asked if he spoke Khmer well, because oral language, memory, and the resultant storytelling are crucial to Cambodian history. How can a survivor trust a young man who speaks English so well, who didn’t live during that time, and whose knowledge is based on study and scholarship? What can you do other than express your pain in the form of a 10 minute question?
In the last two weeks, I have had two guest speakers in my classroom. One is a man named Samoueth who told his story which included cannibalism and horror upon horror. The other speaker, told of the loss of more than half of his family including his mother and father. I told my students they had given each man a gift by listening.
I’m unsure how a survivor of unspeakable cruelty heals; but my best guess is through breathing and telling his story.
Young scholar Khamboly Dy (wearing tie) at Cambodia Genocide Forum, the paintings of Bou Meng are in the background
